Stress Free and Happy Life Means Being True to Yourself
Dear New Shrink,
The idea of having too
much free time is hard for me, but I also hate to be overly busy. It's so hard
for me to find a balance; I'm either too bored or too stressed. It's
strange because I wonder why I get so antsy about having nothing to do.
But then when I have options of having full time jobs that will take almost all
my time, I don't want that either. I guess I'm just lost around this
topic, and looking for some advice/suggestions as to what can be going on.
Signed
Antsy
Dear Antsy,
It’s actually a good question
because it says a lot. However because I don’t know you personally, your age,
gender, life circumstances, I will have to answer this in a general way, and
hope that it helps you.
Many people have
difficulty finding balance in their lives these days. You are not without
company.
It is important to say
that stress is very bad for us; it’s bad for our health and also, we do not
make our best decisions under stress. On the other hand, boredom is not a
natural state either. When one is bored, it generally means that they are not
engaged with life. Sure, we all get bored from time to time but when it is put
the way you say it, as either or and a chronic condition, there is reason for
concern.
You are either not truly
engaged with life as your true self would choose or you actually do not know
your real Self.
People who enjoy some
silence, down quiet time away from all the buzz and fuzz of everyday life, are
generally more connected to their selves and tend to be more enlightened.
I am not talking about
isolating, although there is a case to be made for that in certain societies.
Monks are well known for their choice to be alone and silent for long periods
of time. Their goal is to be enlightened and spiritual.
In our society, isolating
can be a sign of depression, social phobia or an interpersonal problem.
But to be bored or antsy
when alone or with nothing to do, as you put it, is a sign of not being really
connected with your self. I would guess that there is a deep or at least true
fear of being in touch with your real feelings about yourself, your life or
others around you. The other possibility would be profound loneliness that is
also like stress, very bad for our health. But then there is the question of
what is causing this type of loneliness, if that is what you have.
My suggestion to you
would be to try to work out what type of realistic schedule works for you, one
that will not stress you out too much.
After you get that worked
out, then take your down time and try something like meditation or Yoga.
Definitely use the time to get real with yourself and know who you really are
and what you truly feel in whatever way that works for you.
Feelings never killed
anyone as long as they are processed in a healthy way. Our fear of being in
touch with ourselves is usually much bigger than it needs to be.
Often fear of feeling
comes from childhood feelings that at the time we were unable to deal with
because we were young and did not have the tools. But most adults have the
tools to deal with suppressed or hidden feelings and will be just fine in terms
of getting honest with themselves. It is definitely easier to do with the help
of another. A supportive friend that you can trust, a spiritual mentor or a
therapist can be a big help. But even this is not always necessary especially
if you do not have an unusual trauma history or a mental health problem.
The only way to a happy
and healthy life is to be in touch with you and true to you. And definitely it
goes without saying, that is should be as stress free as possible.
Antsy, ask yourself why?
If you are honest with yourself, you will know.
